One of the main reasons relationships fail...married or not, is that people fail to make those relationships a priority in their life. Love comes first! It has to. We need to place love at the center of our life (right there after God) and all else revolves around that. Our partner IS our home. We have to know in this crazy world that love is the only thing that is real. So many things take us away from what is truly important and essential to our being. In the world of busy schedules, social media, cell phones, work...we HAVE to make time for what is really important to us. So many couples these days living separate lives...separate bank accounts, vacations spent with 'the girls' or 'the guys' instead of as a couple, separate activities throughout the week after work and on weekends...where does LOVE get to fit in if we are hanging on to our single life? If we have been blessed enough to find an AMAZING partner we need to honor that love by honoring the person standing by our side. Love requires that we work AT it and IN it. Always. When we stop trying, we lose it. Connections must be nurtured...always. Too often I hear people say 'they just grew apart from their partner" or their wife/husband became their roommate instead of their best friend/love of their life. That happens because we stopped honoring LOVE and stopped taking care of it. We made other things a priority instead of that relationship and when that happens we begin to lose the ONE thing that sustains us in this crazy world. We NEED each other! Now more than ever. Don't fool yourself that you have all the time in the world to play around because great things will pass you by and you may not ever get another chance at it. If you find something great, place all other 'options' aside and focus on that great thing...that's what love requires of us...if we really want it! Make love a priority.
Our lives would change if we could learn to live mindfully, consciously...at all times. Every moment counts...we can't get them back once they are gone. Time wasted in life doing things or being with people that are not aligned with our spirit are a waste of our time here on this earth. We have to make decisions that are aligned with who we are and where we want to be. Those things that are not going with us should be let go so we can focus on what IS important and necessary for our journey. There are a million distractions in this world and most of them can be called a test of our faith/spirit. The weak give in and the strong remain true to who they are (because they already know)...refusing to allow their soul to get off track. It's a battle for everyone...but if we can remain conscious of who we are and make our decisions based on that, we are honoring who God created us to be. It is so important to surround ourselves with those people that are like minded/spirited and don't allow the lower energy people in that show up to lead us off our Divine Path. They tempt us to stray...and straying off 'the path' only causes delays in our destiny and pain from making poor decisions not aligned with God's Will for our life. Living consciously keeps us in the flow of God's goodness and blessings and allows Him to lead us where He wants us to go.
Make decisions that honor your soul.
There is not a shortage of great men and women in this world...there is just the challenge of actually finding them. The great ones value their time and energy and don't want to play games in order to find love...so they are probably not hanging out at singles bars drinking their weekends away nor do they have a permanent address on all the online dating sites. The great catches are out ENJOYING their life, doing what they love, hanging out with people they love and waiting...waiting to meet the person that God sent to them, for them. God always delivers...in His time, not ours. Trying too hard to push our own agenda only frustrates us. Looking in the 'wrong' places for love will also. Love just shows up when WE are ready. If we are wondering why we have had to wait so long it is either that God knows that the timing is not there for one or both of you...or maybe YOU just are not ready inside for the kind of love that you say you want. We have to BE that which we seek. If we want authenticity, we must be authentic. If we want openness and vulnerability...we must be vulnerable. If we want trustworthy, we must be living honestly and in truth. If we are not attracting what we want then there is a discrepancy somewhere. Search for THAT instead of endlessly searching for love. Love WILL find us...it always does. God puts the right people together at EXACTLY the right moment....but if WE are not open and ready, we will miss them. Search your own soul to find love instead of searching out in the world for it. Love shows up when we are ready for it. Period.
Love is simple but we sure have figured out how to complicate it. We try to push our 'own' agenda in relationships vs. allowing love to just move in it's own time and space. We connect with someone and then we expect that 'love' to look a certain way, respond a certain way, act a certain way....and that 'certain way' is based completely on what WE need and want and not taking into account there is actually another human being with their own feelings and needs involved also. Complications arise from unrealistic expectations about partnership and love. We can know what we want and need but if we expect to find a partner who is going to be programmed to meet every one of those... in our time frame and in our way...and then ALSO sweep us off our feet in the process...we need to know that we are definitely standing in the short line for disappointment and heartache. Love cannot survive in control or complication. It suffocates it...love needs to be free to move within the hearts and souls of a partnership with EASE and in joy. When two adults show up to a relationship they come from two different worlds. The beauty of getting to know someone, finding out the intimate details of what shaped them into who they are today is the INTIMACY that creates a sacred bond between two people. If we complicate that by insisting our own needs are met, at any cost, we will lose in love...every time. We are called to HONOR one another, to love them. We have to learn to just sit back and let love happen in God's time and way, not ours. It would make love so much easier
Finding the 'right' someone to love forever lies in the 'friendship' you have with one another. Our partner should... and needs to be, our best friend. It is all about compatibility. Sharing the same interests is SO important because our free time, which can be so limited, should be spent having fun with our best friend. Whether that idea of fun is hanging out with your family, going to concerts or sporting events, traveling the world, appreciating the arts, participating in outside sporting activities or maybe even being a homebody....if "life" is shared together and we are enjoying the experience of it as a couple...it keeps our relationship STRONG and constantly growing. There is another part of love that is overlooked so often and that is that we cannot have a true intimate relationship with the person we love, without meaningful conversations with them. Sharing our heart, in a space we are allowed to be completely open and vulnerable, is absolutely priceless and necessary. If our partner cannot share their heart with us, they will eventually find a space or place to share it. We have to have connection...life and love calls us to it constantly. Connection gives our life meaning. That is why God gave us each other ....for companionship, friendship, support, understanding and love. Too many couples "show up to the dinner table" but then lead completely separate lives outside of that, as a couple. That causes us to disconnect...and after too long of disconnecting... the relationship is over. Couples who play together, stay together. Find a person that you love that is also your best friend. Someone you can open your heart to, laugh with, be yourself with, do the adventures in life with (and the challenges) and someone that you trust implicitly. Living a GREAT life is all about a life that is filled with meaning and purpose. Find the person that you want to share ALL of that with...then settle in, nurture it and stay forever.
No matter where we have been in life and love...all the triumphs, challenges, wins and losses...we need to remember that perfect love exists for us. There IS someone for each and every one of us and if we have not found them yet, chances are the are also looking for us. God decides when that meeting happens, not us. In the meantime we must prepare. Do the inner work to get ourselves healthy and READY for our ONE...because when they show up, we will need to be available AT THAT MOMENT physically, emotionally and spiritually for such a BIG love. We also have to be sure we do not make our life complete with-OUT a partner so there is space for love to enter. Two cannot go where there is only room for one. We have to get really clear on who it is that we want standing by our side through life and when they show up, put them there. Love deserves to have a space in our life next to us, to go through ALL that life has to offer. One last thing...the space next to us must be really clear from all past emotional drama, pain and baggage. It's not fair to ask someone to stand by our side when that space is really not available due to our past stuff. Let go of what needs to be let go of so we can grab GREAT LOVE with both hands when it presents itself...and it will present itself when God knows we are ready.
Have people forgotten their dating manners? No matter how far off the beaten path we may get due to technology one thing will never change and that is our need for LOVE. Not only are we a confused society about 'what love is' because many had poor examples set for them growing up but now we have gotten lost in all this technological minutia and forgotten how to properly court someone. This goes for the ladies also. It is the mans job to take the lead in asking a woman out properly (NOT via text!) and in doing whatever it takes to keep that woman interested before, in between and after the dates. This requires communication. We are ALL busy...love takes effort if you want it. Women still want romance regardless of how 'modern' she may seem. She also would like to know she is special and that you're not dating 10,000 other woman along with her. Ladies: please ALLOW a man to take the lead. HE does the asking. Allow him to court you properly. Jumping into bed too soon or sexting with a man will not encourage him to be in a relationship with you, in fact, it will probably do the opposite. A man knows if a woman is aggressive with him she is also doing the same with other men...not quite the picture of the faithful, loyal bride a man likes to have in his head. We may be living in 'new times' but LOVE hasn't changed. Remember what your goal is ultimately(LOVE) and courtship takes time and a consciousness of who you are 'being' at all times within that relationship. Masculine and feminine energy were created by God for a purpose...so that we could balance eachother out. The Yin and the Yang. Let's not forget how to love
There are boundaries in love that we must identify prior to entering into a partnership as well as 'remembering' them when we are in one. Boundaries are our own personal property line...what we STAND for, value and respect. First on our list needs to be ourselves! We must remember to always love ourselves, no matter what. It doesn't matter what someone else does, says or is being...if we 'know' who we are and are willing to shine in our own beautiful space, authentically and openly...then there is noone that can penetrate that space. It is ours, we own it. Then we must know what we stand for and value in life, love, relationships...and hold everyone in our personal space accountable to those things at all times, otherwise they are not allowed in our space. We DO have control over what we allow in and what we put out of that space. We must value who we are and then stand firmly in that space so others know how we must be treated. Love is the one place where we seem to 'let go', and we should...but not of our boundaries, just of our heart. When we let someone cross our boundaries we are unconsciously giving them permission to dis-respect us. We ALL need structure and to know where we can and cannot go. What is acceptable and not acceptable. Lack of boundaries in a relationship will significantly hurt it. If they are left for too long unattended, love turns to resentment and then it ends. So stand strong from the beginning knowing who you are, what you bring to the relationship, what you deserve and what you will and will not accept from your partner. Then stand in it, forever
We have all heard the quote "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results", yet somehow we don't think to apply this same universal concept to our personal 'relationships'. Yes, it's true...we all have patterns. If you have had a lifetime of the most AMAZINGLY harmonious, loving and healthy relationships than read no further...you are perfectly sane when it comes to love. Good for you! For those that can NOT say this, which is the MAJORITY of people, than please read on, unless you are happy continuously being in the toxic relationships. LOVE is a pattern. Who we attract, who we choose to love, who we don't choose to love and the quality of our relationships once we are IN them, are all patterns. Most of them are subconscious so you won't be able to analyze yourself objectively. You just need to know that if you keep getting in the wrong relationships than you have to 'change' something you are being, believing, doing or thinking. Maybe its a combination of all of the above. But to keep seeking new love or staying in a bad relationship because you don't know how to get out are just draining you of all your good love juju that you should be saving for the 'right one'. When they do finally show up...and they will, whether you are available or not...you may not recognize them if you yourself are not healthy, emotionally available and not completely burned out in the love department. I can assure you that no man or woman wants to be in love with the 'bitter one'. Begin taking an HONEST look at yourself and your relationships. What do they have in common besides YOU? If nothing, than it may just be you that needs the healing....but stop the insanity if you want real love
We are living in times of over a 50% divorce rate and of the casual fling that begins with a swipe of a YES on a mobile dating app. Where has the love gone? Well I believe the problem is that noone really knows what love is anymore. My parents generation was about 'family'...getting married, buying the house with the white picket fence and having 3.5 children. What happened for so many of that generation is that when the kids were grown up and they didn't have them to hide behind anymore, they looked at each other one day and realized they didn't even know, or possibly even 'like' the person standing next to them, much less love them. They weren't necessarily marrying for love but doing what they were supposed to do by society's standards. (exceptions, of course!) SO what does that mean for people today? The word LOVE is on everything but still....do we really know what it means? How many parents teach their children how to 'recognize' true love? What to look for in a partner. What it takes to have a successful partnership and marriage? Not happening...because many still do not know what it is but can tell you what it is not. So we 'love' the word love today, without understanding it. Love is a presence of something. It is not butterflies in our stomach and giggles...it is made up of two independently strong, enlightened, realized people that have connected hearts and souls with one another because they understand that with the 'right person' they are better off together than alone. Our partner makes us better. They offer something to our life that brings substance and meaning to it. Love is not for the weary. Love takes courage, strength, commitment, trust, compassion, acceptance. forgiveness and it requires that we know ourselves first so that we can always remain true to who we ARE for ourselves and our partner. If we are going to change the direction of where love is going now and in the future it requires we KNOW what it is first and then remain conscious of it at all times. Commitment like this requires we go in with our whole heart open, not holding anything back. Find THAT person...and then it's easy to stay forever
The search for love should not be as difficult as it is today. Dating is not supposed to be a sport...especially when it becomes one that someone continues to lose at. That certainly will make one lose faith in the possibility that the 'right one' is out there. Even to waste two hours of your precious time having dinner with someone, that you find out in the first 15 minutes is not for you, takes you away from a opportunity of actually meeting someone who IS. We don't spend enough time on the front end in getting to know our SELF...who WE are, what WE need in a partner and relationship. If we knew this stuff with certainty ahead of time, we would not have to waste time on a purposeless date, when we know it's not the right person for us. This applies to people in relationships that are not with the 'right partner' either. No doubt you know if they are not your soulmate and if there is no future with that person, yet people stay in these relationships so they will not have to be alone. Newsflash: you ARE alone if that's not your soulmate....and when it finally does fall apart, and it will, you will be older and maybe even a little more bitter, when you get back out there on the 'market'. Two things that won't work so well in your favor. If you have been single for many years and are not meeting your ideal partners, than it's time to do the work. It's easy to blame the city you live in or the people you meet...but remember that YOU are the common denominator in it all. Finding love and keeping it is a conscious, deliberate process. Do the work ahead of time and when you find the right person your soul will just know...
You know what is REALLY sexy? Honesty. Loyalty. Communication. Friendship. Stability. Trust. Security. We have gotten way too used to drama and games these days in dating. When someone healthy shows up in our life we are not 'attracted' to it because it is not challenging. A little challenge is good and necessary, alot is a waste of time. We have become so used to falling for the 'un-available' that when the 'wonderfully available" actually shows up, we pass them by...calling it boring. We have to re-train ourselves to get used to healthy love. Everyone says they want it until it actually shows up. We don't even give it a second thought most of the time...we just say "there is no chemistry". Well we need to get better at differentiating chemistry from attraction. Sadly we are drawn to what we need to heal the most in ourselves. If we rely solely on attraction, we will find the wound over and over again. Chemistry happens within us. When we are drawn to someone...explainable but undeniable. Pay attention to it whether you understand it or not. Chemistry is a science based on an emotional and psychological connection...attraction is purely physical. We need to know what we want and NEED from a partnership before we attempt to get into one. We have to be able to recognize healthy love and a healthy partner. We may even have to change some things in our life and heart to accommodate this kind of love...but it's worth it. Dating just to date is a waste of time. If love is what we are after then it is a very deliberate process...and sometimes that means really LOOKING at what you really value in a partner. It's amazing how the definition of 'sexy' changes over the years...
What is it about this world today where we think people are 'disposable'. If they don't meet our criteria immediately then we want to toss them out and find someone else. The way I see it, we are ALL imperfect. To expect anyone else to be perfect or to even think that the 'perfect person' exists, is just a lie that we tell ourselves, that will undoubtedly keep us single forever. We give up too easy. We put expectations on people that are not realistic. We think that they need to think exactly like we do and be at the exact same place in life that we are...or we toss them aside. Life is not a Tinder App...a simple 'swipe' yes or no. The things that matter in life take WORK and COMMITMENT. Love is one of those things. If you are past the age of 30, than you too have baggage you are bringing with you into relationships. If you want others to accept yours, then you have to be willing to accept theirs.( all within reason, of course) Love is about meeting in the middle. Sometimes that means we need to be patient with someone if they are not at the EXACT same place we are. That may mean we need to look deeper inside someone for what is not visible on the outside...which requires time and patience. In this world of 'immediacy'...we need to know that love does not respond to our timeline or criteria. Love happens when we let it. When we learn to accept people for who they are and allow the relationship to move in God's time, not ours. Every person on this earth is God created and deserves an opportunity to be 'seen'. known and heard. That takes time, patience, non-judgement, compassion and love. People are not disposable...love is rare and should be held in the highest regard before anything else in life.
Being single is not a bad thing as long as you are being a 'responsible' single. Responsible meaning that you are using that single time to really get to know yourself, love yourself and get very CLEAR on exactly what you need in a relationship and who you are looking for. Responsible also means not playing games in dating and with other peoples hearts. Dating is not supposed to be a roll of the dice...love is precise. Online dating sites are not to be used like an X-box...they were designed to help people find LOVE... but sadly it has become a playground for games, deception and even fraud. Sadly, it has turned many people away from relationships because they think that's all that is out there....but that's not the case. There are great people looking for love but they are doing it differently because we have to these days. As a Matchmaker I hear all the time from singles that 'there are no good men and women out there anymore'...and that is simply just not true. It's just where you are looking and what you are doing that isn't working! I hear married people say "I wouldn't want to be single today"...yet so many married people are miserable in their own relationships because they also did not take the time to choose wisely and appropriately. Who wants to be in a love-less relationship or marriage? Good relationships of ALL kinds require that we enter in them responsibly...from day one. That we value ourselves and we value a great connection when we find it. We must be responsible with our own hearts and with any other hearts that we come into contact with. Great love exists...but it start's with us
Change may be scary but a life that is unhappy, un-lived and unrealized is even scarier. There needs to be a point in which we take a REAL honest look at ourselves and the kind of life we are living and the kinds of relationships we are either attracting or not attracting...and realize something has to change or life will remain the same. It sounds so simple yet a concept many do not grasp for themselves. Our actions, or lack thereof, has created the life we have today. If we want a different experience we have to be willing to change the way we are being, thinking or living. Not an easy task since it is hard to self analyze...to be self objective. The only way we know something is not right is by the circumstances in our life. If it not what we wish to have or what we think we deserve...then something is off. The challenge in this truth is actually having the wisdom and discernment to actually make a change. We pass middle age and we 'think' we know best...but the judge of our REAL internal compass is our LIFE today. Are you happy? Do you have the love in your life you deserve? Are you living in a way that is true to your soul? If the answer is no to any of these, than it is time for a change.Not tomorrow, not next week, not when you 'think' you will be be ready...but TODAY. Whatever the step you take...make it a big one. Small steps don't get you far enough to see a different perceptive. So the heck with the 'stair'...try running the staircase! Life is short...we don't have time to waste thinking about change or taking little steps. Have FAITH in what your heart is telling you to be, do or have... and move forward in that faith. Its the ONLY way God can change your circumstances.
Let's face it...looks are important when choosing a partner but it should not be the MOST important thing on our list! How many times have you been attracted to someone who would not normally be 'your type', because of who that person was vs. just how they appeared on the outside? Or even the opposite...ever known someone who was super good looking but that you had no chemistry with? Attraction goes far beyond appearance.
In order to fall in love with another we must truly know and love ourselves first. Knowing ourselves is important because once we do, we know what kind of partner is GOOD for us and what kind is not. Conscious dating is crucial!
Sometimes people that are not healed and whole are attracted to the person that has the greatest ability to break open the wound they have in their heart, for the purpose of healing it. God gives us many opportunities to heal...as many as we need to finally do the work! Hurting definitely propels us to make change...but it is not a fun emotion to experience, so best we uncover what needs to heal, heal it..and begin choosing the right partners for us. Love is meant to be enjoyed...not a place of chaos and frustration.
Finding the right partner requires that we share common values and interests with that person. Our lover should also be our best friend. This is especially important as we get older. When we don't have the crazy career schedules and kids to raise, it is just that 'soul connection' with our partner we have to get us through life....so we better make sure its a good one!
Chemistry is crucial but if we write someone off at first meeting just due to physical appearances, we might miss out on the goods that that persons soul has to offer. Sometimes chemistry can surprise you.. Keep your heart open and listen to your spirit. Look further than just the physical...that's where we find love.
What we put into love, we will get out......
We have become a society that has developed 'learned complacency'. In short, people have become emotionally lazy. Why? Because they CAN. Technology has put so much of life at our fingertips and we think if we have to do more work than a click or swipe, than it isn't worth it.
Well the old saying still stands today..."Nothing worth having comes easy". If we want something great, like a GREAT relationship or even want to find our soulmate...it requires work. We need to put the time and energy into our-selves first, to ensure we are healthy and ready for love. Then once we begin our search for love, we must be discerning and make it a very conscious process. The reason people get in the wrong relationships is because they choose the wrong people for them. Staying conscious through the process requires effort on our part, and it always will. To remain true to who we are and to keep healthy boundaries in love requires us to be conscious and live that way.
Online dating and mobile dating has grown over the years because our commitment to things and people has diminished. Our patience has decreased and we carry the idea that if it is too much work than it is not worth our time. There is the mindset that if we don't like something about someone, then there is always someone else just an email or swipe away. People are losing their value as human beings and becoming expendable, as we move more into this technologically driven society. This is precisely where we have lost the true energy of love. Dating is not a game and love is a very serious and beautiful thing, that requires us to be conscious, present, vulnerable, open and committed. 5 things our society still values but are losing.
If we truly want to find love then we need to go about it the right way...the old fashioned way. Meet in person and be open for that spark. It happens! Extend others grace to not be perfect, as we aren't either. Look beyond the small things and keep in mind your bigger picture of a relationship. Love doesn't always make sense...but if we listen to our heart and trust in the Divine process. God will never steer us wrong but our heads will...so be sure to listen to what your heart is saying!
What you put into love you will get back. If your not getting what you need than your not giving it somewhere, regardless of what you think.
When I moved back to Dallas in the early 2000's, you couldn't tell me that the guys and gals in this city were different from the ones in other major metropolis'. I came from Atlanta and the demographic definitely seemed similar....little did I know. After getting into Matchmaking I realized that Dallasites are their own unique breed of daters and if your going to be single in Dallas, you have to understand how it all works. Along with the stature of our beautiful city...we also have a reputation for having some of the most beautiful women and most successful men in the world living here. That is definitely true. So has that 'spoiled' the average Texan? Do men 'really' want that Texas beauty and do women really want that 'Cowboy millionaire'? Well, it seems so. Maybe not everyone...but because I AM a matchmaker and I DO hear the truth from people, this is what most are looking for.
Surprisingly, regardless of their own looks men still want and go after the prettiest girls and women want the whole deal...money, looks, success and quite frankly, I have found that Texas women like a man with a little attitude. Just sayin girls. You complain about the narcissist but when you find a good man that is stable and kind you call him boring and say you have no chemistry. Men...as you get older you have to realize that your compatible dating pool is probably within 3-5 years of your own age. You may 'feel' 25 but that doesn't mean you can still attract a young one that is interested in who you are 'inside' and not your pocketbook. Ladies, sometimes the guy that is not the tallest, most charming, handsome guy in the room has the most to offer a real relationship. We have to be realists when dating...GREAT people are out there...we just have to look in the right places and search for what is inside a person, not just focus on the outside.
The nice guys and the average girls can finish last in Dallas but I am here hoping to change that!! Sometimes the best things in the world are wrapped in the most simple packaging. It is always my job as a matchmaker to find the good in people...and if I could convince others to look more than skin deep, we would be in happier, healthier relationships!
The nice guy who is honest, loyal and trustworthy is ALWAYS the sexiest man alive and the woman who can throw on jeans and a t-shirt and go watch a football game with the guys is still most men's dream. We just have to wake up and start dating consciously. So what if there are a lots of beautiful women and a tons of successful men in this city...there is only ONE that is going to steal your heart and if your going to find them, you better be going after their 'heart' and searching their 'soul' to find them. Sometimes prince charming won't be riding the Stallion, but the Thoroughbred horse. Guys, sometimes Cinderella won't be wearing a Jimmy Choo but a Charles David. Be willing to look a little deeper...that's where we find true love.
Love is our highest calling & should be entered into with the highest regard for ALL that it is. God knew that we needed one another for acceptance, understanding, support, nurturing, friendship & LOVE in our EVERY day life...but there is more. We also need that ONE special partnership that touches our soul enough, to bring us closer to Him. Love is love. When we "know' love for each other, we greater understand the love He has for us. God knew that when we stand together in our partnership here on this earth, we can emotionally conquer ALL the challenges that the world present to us. As we conquer the outside world, God prepares us INSIDE for our work with Him. Only when we feel a true peace in our spirit, can we take on greater things. True love gives us that peace. We NEED our partner's love to fulfill our destiny.
It's time we get back to love...it is what we are made 'from', born 'with' and the only thing that can truly sustain us in this life. So much is changing in this world every single day but we have to remember where our 'home' is. Being loved is still our greatest human need. That will never change...it is how God made us. All the technology and 'things' of the world cannot take away WHO we are and what we need to survive. Some think they can get by without love if they have all the creature comforts in life...but at the end of our days, love is the ONLY thing we have, the only thing we can take with us when we go...and the only thing we really leave with those we love. LOVE is what gives our life MEANING and purpose. It is why we are here and what we are here for. We all NEED love. Not just a relationship to have a relationship or just a person to hang out with so we are not lonely...but real, beautiful, soulful, connected, precious, sacred, best friend kind of love. If you are single now...believe in love, wait for it and be open to it & ready for it when it shows up. If you have love in your life now...stand for it, respect it, value it and never take it for granted. Love is everything...